3/25/09

Some sad news on the home front

I'm not even sure how to start this post. First I was so excited that this week I was going to announce my pregnany on my blog. Today I had a wrench and a really huge one thrown into the deal when I found out that I am losing the baby. I was supposed to be 12 weeks 1 day along and the baby was measuring 9 weeks with no cardiac activity.
B just happens to be in AZ this week for training, but is flying home tomorrow morning. Luckily by the grace of God my sister just happen to call me as I am going to the clinic today and offered to go with me. I was origianlly going to say no that's ok, but something said have her go. After the whole ordeal I am so thankful she was there, and couldn't have made it through with out her.
My family has been so great this evening and even though I haven't always answered my phone to talk, I truly appreciate their caring thoughts and prayers for B and myself.
To be very honest, we just started telling our friends and extended family this week. It's so hard not to ask why me, why now and did I do something wrong? I ate lunch meat, I drank a coke, I slept on my back. Although there is nothing I did wrong, I wish I believed that when everyone told me. I was just fine at home by myself, by choice until I went in our guest room and saw some of the baby gifts we have recieved. I lost it then, I then just sat there by our desk and cried till I couldn't cry anymore.
I am seriously numb, this is so surreal to me. I now have no more tears, no more words, nothing to make myself feel better but time. Tomorrow I now have to go back in and have another internal u/s to confirm what they already know. Seriously I do not want to go and would rather stay in my bed. Why do they feel the need to torture me again. Thankfully my older sister is going with me again. Do I really need to hear this devastating news once again, seriously, come on! I know they are trying to be thorough but isn't there any other way!!!
I apologize that this post is so blue, but right now I don't feel like posting bedding and fashion tips. In the coming days..
I am trying to live by " God will never give you anything you can't handle." Although it is so hard to really believe this in our sitaution right now, I am trying so hard to have a strong faith in my God and his plan for B & myself. As I sit here typing with tears running down my face, I know he has the perfect baby for us and he is just waiting for the perfect time to bless us with our precious gift, but I really thought October was our right time. Now I am deathly afraid to even think about trying to concieve once again.
Hope everyone had a great day, may you day be better than mine was.

24 comments:

Joann said...

Just know that you and B are in my prayers!! My heart breaks for you. Stay strong, and your right "God won't give you more than you can handle".

Kacie said...

Abby, I'm so sorry. Nothing that I can say will make you feel any better, but I really hope you start to feel better soon. And you're right, it was not your fault at all. I'm praying for you and B.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I wish there was something I could do.

WifeOfARedhead said...

Abby, it breaks my heart to read this. I am so so sorry for your loss and will surely be keeping you in my prayers. Please know that I am here for you in any way you need me.

Allie said...

so sorry to hear of your loss, i will be thinking of you in your hard time.

MarriedBliss said...

I have been following your blog for many months. I am so sorry this is happening to you and your husband. My thoughts and prayers will be with you guys during this time.

Dr. Erin and Mr. Heath said...

I am so sorry, Abby. I cannot imageine what you are going through right now. You're totally right about being able to handle this. And, you already know that God has a perfect plan for you. But, that doesn't make what you're feeling right now any easier. Sometimes it makes it harder. I hated knowing there was a perfect plan, that included a baby for me, if I couldn't have it right now. I'll be praying for you.

Jessica said...

Abby, my heart aches for you. I know this is so incredibly hard, and hard to understand why God has taken your precious baby. Don't worry about staying strong right now, crying always helps and being sometimes does too. Please know I'm here if you need anything, and again I'm so incredibly sorry Abby. I'll be praying for you.

. said...

((hugs))T+P for you all.

Mango Gal said...

I'm so sorry Abby. Many prayers and well wishes to you and your family.

Katie said...

Oh honey, I am so very, very sorry. I'm not the best with words, but you and B are in our thoughts and prayers. You are certainly a very strong woman, and one to admire in the hardest of times. Lots of love, Katie.

Amy said...

I know you have heard it time and time again but it really isn't you fault. Unfortunatly, it is out of our hands when this happens. Im sorry you have to go through this.

I know it will be hard but you can do this again.

Chelsea said...

Oh Abby, I am so incredibly sorry. I am sending major t+p your way. Stay strong.

C said...

Aw sweetheart.. I wrote to you on the nest, but I want to say it again- You're in my prayers!!

Kristal said...

I'm so sorry Abby. I know this is so hard for you, but please remember that this is not your fault. I'm praying for you and B.

kari said...

Abby- I'm so sorry. You and B are in my prayers.

hopeful #1 said...

I'm praying for you... and I'm so very sorry.

Stacy said...

I am so sorry that this is happening. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Mrs. McB said...

I am so sorry for you loss. You and B are in my prayers! Continue to trust in God.

julie said...

Abby: So sorry to hear your news...keep trusting God. You and B are in my thoughts and prayers.

Amber said...

I am so sorry and saddened by your loss. Please know you are in my prayers. It is not your fault. We always ponder as to why God does what he does, but somehow and someway he has a plan. Stay strong.

Dunc said...

Oh Abby, I'm so sorry. I cannot even imagine how you must feel right now. Try not to rush back into normal life, though, and take as much time as you need to grieve. You and B suffered a terrible loss, and you have every right to treat it as such. I'll be thinking of you.

Susie Q said...

Sweetheart...it happened twice to me. You cry and you cry and you cry. You want to scream & throw a fit. Normal. As hard as it is, you do need to get looked at to make sure that you are healthy inside and out. Even though you have lost this baby, you'll need to be healthy for next time. And while you cannot think about next time yet...you will. It will get easier over the next few weeks. But the mourning/grieving steps are all the same. Today would have been our youngest son's 16th BD. He was born with undetected chromosonal defect. Later you'll understand that your baby had severe defects...and it is NOT your fault. Never was, never will be.

And yes, you will laugh again. I promise.

Legalosaur said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Abby. The exact same thing happened to me. What you are going through is extremely difficult and emotionally draining. Make sure you take your time to grieve and take care of yourself. *huggles*

Blog Widget by LinkWithin