3/27/09

Update

First, I would like to thank you all for the kind words, advice, thoughts and prayers. You will never know just how much they mean to B and myself.
Yesterday I started to miscarry naturally and recieved a call from my Dr. she said that she would give me the choice of having a D&C or to miscarry naturally. I first opted to miscarry naturally. She did inform that since the baby was measuring at 9 weeks it may be very hard for my body to pass the mass on my own, and I might have to end up having a D&C anyway.
After talking with B, my sister-in-law whose a nurse and a friend who has had a miscarriage naturally, I opted to have the D&C. Thankfully they could get me in yesterday at 4:30pm. I have no idea why but my sister-in-law who is a nurse said that if it were her, she would have done the same thing. Those words were so comforting to me, I have no idea why, maybe because she of the medical profession, or that she's just had a baby, but it really comforted me in my decision.
I first went in and had to an another u/s to confirm and luckily they did an on top of the belly one. The gal was so kind and said I don't want to have you have to have anymore pain than you already do. Thankfully she did get what she needed and the radiologist who happens to be our very good friend came in a just said hey kiddo not this time. He didn't go into detail, he just said not this time. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't want to hear the word baby, heartbeat, miscarriage, nothing, those words were perfect for me at that point. Once again my older sister stepped up and went with me. Bless her heart she has 3 young children and she rearranged her schedule to come and help me. I owe her more than I can ever repay her!
I then just happened to walk over to my clinic and they once again impressed me. I asked the desk clerk what I needed to do, she called my doc's nurse and she said, ok just have a seat and she will be with you in a minute. Not more than 2 minutes the nurse came out. It thought she was just going to tell me what time to be here. Nope she took me back to a room, gave me a quick physical and said the doctor would be right in to talk to me. I was amazed, I thought I would only see my OB when I went to have the D&C. She came in and answered any questions I may have. She has actually been through this before right around the time I was and she couldn't have been better.
B flew in and I broke down and so did he when we saw each other. It was like I could finally let my emotions go, let my saddness out and he couldn't have been better. He was so supportive and didn't let go of me until I went to the OR.
We then went to the hospital and it was pretty difficult to answer those questions, signs those forms. My sis and B were there and were wonderful with my breaking down and all B could say was " I am so sorry you have to go through this." My mom also was supposed to be going to see my little sis in NY and got to Detroit and just couldn't be away, so she jumped back on the same plane and flew back to Iowa and was there when I woke up.
I got a bit teary when I went to OR but then they put me under and the next thing I knew I was in recovery saying I was old and that I was doing the chicken and noodle dance. Our family loves my mom's chicken and noodles and we have a dance we do when we want it. I said I was doing that in my head. I also kept repeating myself...
I then went up to a recovery room for about an hour and had a McDonald's double cheese burger and it was the best food I have ever had!! We then got to go home. B was so sweet and packed up the gifts we had recived and my mom took them home. Now I just need to pack away the maternity clothes and all physical reminders should be gone.
This weekend B and I are going to my parents lake house just to relax, be together and heal our broken hearts. Last night I broke down and said " I just want our baby back" and truly what I wouldn't give to still be pregnant with a healthy baby. I am so broken hearted, but thankful the physical part is over. Now I feel like we can start to heal emotionally and someday have a healthy baby. Thank you to all of you for your kind words. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

14 comments:

Mango Gal said...

I'm so sorry Abby. Wishing you and B the best.

C said...

Oh sweetheart, I'm glad you're doing okay. I just can't imagine having to do all that you've done the past few days. Enjoy your time at the lake house & just focus on what God has in store for your future! ;)

hopeful #1 said...

Many, many hugs to you. I'm so glad you chose to do the D&C, I'm sure that was a little less painful than doing it on your own. The emotional part of doing it naturally would've been harder, I'm sure.

I'm also glad you are stepping away from everything and doing something for yourself this weekend. Cry your eyes out, hug your husband and eat like a queen! Do everything you need to do to relax and heal. It won't be a night and day thing once you are back but it will get better. I'm not sure when but you'll know. I'm sure of that.

I'm thinking about you and posted a post on my blog for my people to support you too! Like they said on Grey's last night. You need people. No matter what you need them. Even if you don't think you need them, you should let them stick around and care for you...

Take care!

Amber said...

I know you do not know me, but I have been following your blog for sometime. You are so strong and so blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive husband and family! Hang in there and my prayers continue.

Mika said...

No words can take your pain away, but I am praying for you and your husband.

julie said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you as you and B take the weekend away to heal. I hope that this time helps. Thinking of you!

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through in the past few days. I hope you and your dh are able to heal and somehow find comfort in what has happened. As someone who has been through it, I know what you're feeling and you just have to deal with it day by day.

((((hugs)))))

bridebahama from the nest

Jeremy and Mindy said...

I am so so sorry...
***hugs***

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this difficult time. Only a mother knows how difficult it is to lose her child......no matter how young.

Enjoy your weekend with your husband and know that you have many people praying for you.

Karen said...

I am really sorry for all of your heartbreak and pain Abby. We are all thinking of you.

Holly and Sean said...

Abby, you are such a strong, brave woman. And don't worry, your baby is always with you as your little angel. I am hoping and praying that you take the time to grieve and that your wish to be a mother will soon be fulfilled.

mrs.leah.maria said...

I'm so so sorry Abby. My words can not help, but they're all I have to offer in addition to prayer support.

Alesha said...

I'm so sorry Abby. You and B are in my prayers. ((HUGS))

platinum blonde said...

I'm so sorry Abby. You and B are amazing, and you both are in my prayers. I know God has great things in store for you both. Lots of love, Melanie

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