Update

First, I would like to thank you all for the kind words, advice, thoughts and prayers. You will never know just how much they mean to B and myself.

Yesterday I started to miscarry naturally and recieved a call from my Dr. she said that she would give me the choice of having a D&C or to miscarry naturally. I first opted to miscarry naturally. She did inform that since the baby was measuring at 9 weeks it may be very hard for my body to pass the mass on my own, and I might have to end up having a D&C anyway.

After talking with B, my sister-in-law whose a nurse and a friend who has had a miscarriage naturally, I opted to have the D&C. Thankfully they could get me in yesterday at 4:30pm. I have no idea why but my sister-in-law who is a nurse said that if it were her, she would have done the same thing. Those words were so comforting to me, I have no idea why, maybe because she of the medical profession, or that she's just had a baby, but it really comforted me in my decision.

I first went in and had to an another u/s to confirm and luckily they did an on top of the belly one. The gal was so kind and said I don't want to have you have to have anymore pain than you already do. Thankfully she did get what she needed and the radiologist who happens to be our very good friend came in a just said hey kiddo not this time. He didn't go into detail, he just said not this time. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't want to hear the word baby, heartbeat, miscarriage, nothing, those words were perfect for me at that point. Once again my older sister stepped up and went with me. Bless her heart she has 3 young children and she rearranged her schedule to come and help me. I owe her more than I can ever repay her!

I then just happened to walk over to my clinic and they once again impressed me. I asked the desk clerk what I needed to do, she called my doc's nurse and she said, ok just have a seat and she will be with you in a minute. Not more than 2 minutes the nurse came out. It thought she was just going to tell me what time to be here. Nope she took me back to a room, gave me a quick physical and said the doctor would be right in to talk to me. I was amazed, I thought I would only see my OB when I went to have the D&C. She came in and answered any questions I may have. She has actually been through this before right around the time I was and she couldn't have been better.

B flew in and I broke down and so did he when we saw each other. It was like I could finally let my emotions go, let my saddness out and he couldn't have been better. He was so supportive and didn't let go of me until I went to the OR.

We then went to the hospital and it was pretty difficult to answer those questions, signs those forms. My sis and B were there and were wonderful with my breaking down and all B could say was " I am so sorry you have to go through this." My mom also was supposed to be going to see my little sis in NY and got to Detroit and just couldn't be away, so she jumped back on the same plane and flew back to Iowa and was there when I woke up.

I got a bit teary when I went to OR but then they put me under and the next thing I knew I was in recovery saying I was old and that I was doing the chicken and noodle dance. Our family loves my mom's chicken and noodles and we have a dance we do when we want it. I said I was doing that in my head. I also kept repeating myself...

I then went up to a recovery room for about an hour and had a McDonald's double cheese burger and it was the best food I have ever had!! We then got to go home. B was so sweet and packed up the gifts we had recived and my mom took them home. Now I just need to pack away the maternity clothes and all physical reminders should be gone.

This weekend B and I are going to my parents lake house just to relax, be together and heal our broken hearts. Last night I broke down and said " I just want our baby back" and truly what I wouldn't give to still be pregnant with a healthy baby. I am so broken hearted, but thankful the physical part is over. Now I feel like we can start to heal emotionally and someday have a healthy baby. Thank you to all of you for your kind words. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!