4/14/09

A sad realization

Yesterday I started thinking about B and trying to have a baby once again. We started talking about when and what we would do tell or not tell. Then I said oh that will so exciting once again, but then our excitement will immediately be followed by terror. I am terrified that we will lose another baby and I don't know if I am strong enough to go through this again. I hate the fact that last time we were so overjoyed, didn't have a care in the world, and couldn't wait till October, and that has been taken away from us. I hate that we will never have that sense of first time joy of being pregnant, and when the doctors or nurses ask is this your first pregnancy, I have to say no. I simply hate that. It would be completely different if the outcome would have been a happy and healthy baby, but it wasn't. I want that feeling back and I don't want to be terrified, but I am. How do I get rid of this, how do I make it go away?
I apologize for the breakdown today, but this blog has been a great tool for me to vent and share my feelings with you all, and not feel like I am bombarding my family and friends.
On a brighter note, my soccer team is 1-0 so far and we have a tough, tough game tonight, but I am hopeful that we come out victorious! Have a wonderful day!

7 comments:

mrs.leah.maria said...

I have absolutely no advice for you my girl. The only comfort is that you join millions of other women in this.

Congrats on the first win and game of the season though, I look forward to additional updates.

julie said...

I have no advice for you but to just keep trusting God and He will bring you through another time of trying and becoming pregnant.

Good luck at your game tonight!

Alesha said...

My only advice is to keep your faith. You said you're not strong enough, but please trust that God won't put more on you than you can bear. ((HUGS))

Dunc said...

I can't even imagine...I'm sorry that you've lose a bit of naivete about everything, although that's completely natural :-(

Feel free to vent away anytime - that's what blogging is for, at least in part!

Dylan's Mommy said...

I completely understand. (((hugs))) Abby. Oh to have the innocence back. I mean, ignorance truly is bliss. We are dealing with this right now also, with my being pregnant again. We have decided not to tell anyone (except my mom). We don't know when we will tell, it might be in a few more weeks, or who knows, it might not be until this babe is born alive and well. But I figure it is much easier to keep quiet about it than to tell everyone and then have to go back and tell them I'm not. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Amber said...

My heart aches for you...I know it hurts

ezza said...

i dont know what to say, but wanted to post just so you know lots of people are thinking and praying for you and your husband.

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