My lovely self portrait. You can see a bit of nursery too.
On Saturday I'll hit 39 weeks.................holy crap we're going to have a baby soon........... Ok, I needed a moment. These past few weeks have been pretty low key in regards to pregnancy, however life has been super busy, and our toddler is more energetic than ever!
Pregnancy wise everything seems to be right on track, although the one huge difference I am noticing is the pressure I feel on my pelvic bone. Holy guacamole people, this is no joke! I didn't have any pressure with Drew, he was sunny side up and apparently that can make all the difference in the world because Peanut is not and oh me oh my, my pelvic bone feels like it could snap in two at any second. Needless to say, at 38 weeks pregnant how comfy can you really be?
The one thing that is eating me up inside is the huge amount of mom guilt I have for having a second child. Now don't get me wrong we love this child and couldn't be happier but I have this guilt that I'm taking something away from Drew. I fear he'll resent me, feel rejected or unwanted because we bring a new baby home. To know when I leave the morning of my c-section and I'm literally going to turn his world up side down, breaks my heart. Any moms of 2 or more want to give any wise words of advice, did you have guilt?
I know everything I'm feeling is probably normal, and I'm probably a wee bit overly emotional at this point, but I can't help it at this point.
My other nagging feeling is fear, I am absolutely terrified to have another c-section. Drew's delivery was not pleasant and feeling the doctors cut me open was awful. My fear keeps rising and as this delivery comes closer and closer those memories of his delivery become more and more vivid. You'd think 2 years would allow me to forget what happened and the painful delivery I had, but it hasn't. I've just been praying daily that God puts a calm over my body that day and takes away the fear and anxiety.
So there you have it folks, I'll have one more weekly update and then it's go time!
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2 comments:
The night before my 2nd daughter was born (also a repeat C-section) I BAWLED when I put my daughter to bed. I felt so horrible at taking away our time from her. The next morning when we left for the hospital, it took me forever to leave her room. i just stared at her for as long as I could, watching her sleep.
This c-section was a totally different experience, a much easier recovery as well.
I can totally relate to the fear of the 2nd c/s. I had one in December and as much as I was excited to meet my daughter, I was also dreading the day because I was so scared of the surgery. I am happy to report that it went fine though and recovery was a lot better the 2nd time around, which I hear is pretty common. So hopefully yours will too!
And my son is doing great with being an older brother. He definitely does have times of jealousy and a bit of resentment, but they're so flexible at 2 years old that they adapt pretty well. I think it'd be harder if they were a little older. He did struggle with me being so incapacitated after the surgery and didn't understand why I couldn't hold him as much or carry him. So that was sad. But overall he loves his baby sister and playing with her toys and giving her kisses on the top of her head.
If you're interested, you can read my birth story from my 2nd c/s here: http://thislovedlife.blogspot.com/2011/12/birth-story-audrey.html.
I am sure your surgery will go fine and so soon you're going to be holding that precious little baby in your arms! What a great thing to look forward to!
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