When your heart breaks for your child

I debated even posting this but as you are reading I went ahead and did post it after going back and forth with my inner self on if it was the right thing to do or not.

This incident has weighed so heavily on my heart this past week and many tears have run down my cheeks for my child. I knew when I became a parent that my heart would be an open doorway for his heartaches but I didn't think it would happen at such a young age.

Each Sunday we head to our church that we love and adore that we have attended since before Drew was born. Drew plays in one of the nurseries and we take Kate into the service with us. There is another nursery that Kate could easily go in but she's so easy we opt to take her with us. Every third week Brendan and I volunteer in the nursery and watch the kiddos so their parents can enjoy the service kid free. We enjoy the time with the other kiddos and it's our way to give a little back and say thank you for taking our child every other week we attend.

A week ago Drew was tired as he had woken up earlier than normal he didn't want to go in the nursery so he came in with us to sing. We have about 20 minutes of singing at the beginning of the service that is led by a band, and D likes the drums. He started getting antsy so B took him to the nursery where his friends were and told the three ladies in there that if he had an issue to come get us, that he was very tired and here is where we were sitting. Not to mention he had a name tag on that has a number, we also have the number on us and it says Green176 for example and if you need to go get your child they will flash your number up on the large screens. Anyway, we get done with service I go to get him and one gal said that he had an issue with pushing. I immediately go into my talk with D about we don't push, we are nice to our friends and he needs to apologize to the nursery gals as the little girl he pushed had already left. Apparently he had pushed her three times. A different gal volunteer then said " I swatted him once, I thought he might get it". To say I was shocked at this statement was a complete and utter understatement. My jaw dropped and I said "ummm, excuse me"? She then had the nerve to say " well I don't think he felt it anyway". I was so dumbfounded and horrified that I swooped in picked up Drew and left so fast. I needed to leave the situation before I said something so inappropriate and over the top. Someone who was supposed to caring for my child has now spanked my child.

First, I will say that Drew should not have been pushing, I get that. He was not having a good day but I feel like we gave those volunteers quite a few "outs" if you will. We gave them options, options that did not include spanking or swatting my child. Second, we do not spank Drew and as of now don't plan to. We could change our minds but as of right now we use 1.2.3 Magic and it works very well. I don't care how other parents discipline their own children, this however rubbed me, wait no this completely and utterly pissed me off because this volunteer was not a parent. I have no idea why this made such a difference to me but it did.

So back to that fateful Sunday. As we left church I was in tears. I was heartbroken for Drew. I didn't know the specifics behind the situation I didn't know if he was in tears or if he hardly noticed but my mind immediately went to the worst case scenario and all I could do was look at my sweet little boys face and cry. No one should ever touch my child. No one. I spoke with one of my good friends before leaving church and she suggested I contact the nursery director and we did as well as our pastor.

That evening I cried and couldn't sleep. I was so hurt that someone would ever think that it was acceptable behavior to lay their hands on someone else's child. Especially in the setting we were in. We don't know that volunteer and she doesn't know out family and how we discipline our children.

Monday, after speaking with our pastor and our nursery director our hearts were at ease a bit to know that they were taking action and the nursery volunteer was being removed from the nursery. They both were so apologetic and understanding. Although this past Sunday Drew came into the entire service. I looked like a pack mile with his toys and snacks to entertain him but he did great. Our nursery director also did find out about the circumstances regarding "the swat" and apparently it wasn't hard, but I'm still ticked anyone touched him.

I'm still not completely at ease with the whole situation. As a parent this is something that didn't even register on my radar of someone else spanking my child. My heart still breaks for him. I know he won't remember it, but I feel awful that I put him in that situation, that I somehow could have avoided it completely.

So how do you deal with other parents disciplining your child/ren? Do you have an understanding within your group of friends what is and isn't "ok"?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


kari said...

Abby, I'm so sorry this happened. I firmly believe that discipline should be left to the parent. I would never discipline another child and I expect that others would not discipline my child. The fact that your church has away to contact you leaves no excuse for anything else.

Meredith said...

I don't think it is acceptable for ANYONE other than parents to spank a kiddo, and I can't imagine spanking anyone else's kid, even if i knew that was a form of discipline that the parents used. To me, the circumstances are really irrelevant!

I don't think I'd mind if someone put Lizzy in a timeout in that situation, but if the parents are readily accessible, why NOT let them handle it?!

Kaymee said...

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry this happened, Abby :(

I am firmly against any form of hitting as a form of discipline. And to hit SOMEONE ELSE'S child??!?! I cannot even imagine.

Huge Hugs.

Court said...

Wow wow wow. Unacceptable! So sorry this happened and you had to go through this. I can't even imagine. Give your little man an extra squeeze.

Julie S. said...

I am SO sorry that this happened. I can't even imagine how hurt you must be. Definitely not acceptable and it sounds like your church leaders are taking action.

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