Visiting after baby

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while now and I've finally gotten around to it.  After a friend or family member has a baby everyone wants to go visit and see the beautiful bundle of joy.  New parents everywhere are just starting out on the road to parenthood and have been shell shocked with to little football that has been handed to them after a mere 48 hours under the watchful eye of medical professionals.  If you were anything like Brendan and me after both of our kids you looked at the nurses and wondered if they too were coming home with you, along with all the diapers and wipes they send home.

  Having a baby is a beautiful yet traumatic event.  It doesn't matter how the baby enters into this world, it turns your world upside down.  It could be your first or tenth child, again same story, different day.  After the baby arrives everyone wants to come visit and see your precious bundle.  That's all fine and dandy but here are a few things visitors need to remember that the new parents will be oh so thankful for.  

1.  This visit isn't about YOU, it's about THEM.  Make it short and snappy, don't linger.  The new parents are worried about their new baby not entertaining guests.  

2. Bring a meal, always bring a meal.  Offer to hold the baby while the parents eat.  If they decline, put the meal in the fridge for them.  Unless they invite you, do not assume you are invited for dinner.  See #1 about entertainment.

3.  If you are an out of town guest and plan to stay for a day or two, offer to stay elsewhere.  There are always nearby hotels.  Let me further address this, unless you were my mom or stepmom I was not comfortable with anyone helping me and my postpartumness...(Brendan however is lumped in here, that of course is by default). Don't assume that a guest room is open for business after a baby is born.  Bring in meals to cook, refer to #1 in regards to entertaining.  

4. Even if you are from out of town and staying elsewhere, give the parents a break.  Leave for a while and let them sleep when the baby sleeps.  I don't care who you are if there are guests in the house I feel like I have to entertain.  I will not nap if you're here.  

5. In town guests,  give the new parents notice prior to your visit.  10 minutes is not enough notice, at least it wasn't for me.  I wanted to at least shower and our dog goes nuts when someone is at the door.  Baby sleeping + dog barking = no bueno.  Call and make an appointment to visit, never just stop by! 

6. When you do visit ask if the new parents need anything done.  Is there laundry to be folded, does the new mom need 10 minutes to take a shower?  The best visit I ever got was after I had Drew, I was overwhelmed and my older sister called and asked if I had showered that day.  Of course I hadn't.  She came over and held Drew while I showered and did my makeup and hair.  It was so refreshing, I felt like a new person.  It's the little things like that, that make new moms feel so much better and they appreciate so very much.  

Visitors for a new family can be a stressful and very emotional time.  Be conscious, be aware, and above all its about the new family and the precious new life that has entered this world.  


Abbie said...

Love this!

I would add to bring something special for the new mom. I felt so forgotten about after Anna was born... like my needs and feelings didn't matter. My BIL and SIL gave me a great present for my birthday, 3 days after Anna was born, that was for ME and it helped me feel better about myself!

Also, give them 2 weeks before you come to visit, unless you visit in the hospital, and don't demand your day/time. Let them say what time is good for them or what day is good for them!

Abby said...

Abbie, I couldn't agree more, such great points. It's so easy to forget about the new mom who has just had the baby.

Abby said...

Anon, I'm not publishing your comment because it was ridiculously rude. Made this isn't the right blog for you to be reading. Each new family is different and each situation is unique, a little grace seems to be needed in your corner. You have no idea what my husband and I went through after each of our children, therefore no room to judge me and my post.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin