11/10/11

Fears

In April I am scheduled for a second c-section. After having Drew via section and my heart going wonky on me, both my cardiologist and OB said absolutely NO labor for me. All fine and good, I understand that a c-section is the safest way for me to deliver this child. I however will not miss the 40 hours of labor that I went through with Drew.

Knowing that I'll have a scheduled section brings back memories of what I went through during Drew's delivery and I'm going to be honest, fear haunts me from my experience. I know April is a ways away and I know I have the best doctors taking care of me this time, but that fear of the pain I felt when I was in the operating room and after haunts me to the core. I wrote the birth story of Drew right after he was born. I left out a few details because at that time it was still too raw and I was so thankful that I had a healthy little boy.

When it was decided that Drew needed to arrive via c-section I felt relief, finally I was going to have my baby, and in the back of my mind I knew something wasn't right. I felt so odd, not from just the epidural but just off. Come to find out my aortic valve was leaking and dilating. This caused me to become very light headed, my blood pressure to rise rapidly and put my heart under more stress. When we got to the OR I was ready to go, however there was one spot right above the cut line that I still had feeling. After maxing me out with increases in my epi, they decided to go ahead and start. I don't remember how long it was, but I started to feel pinching, and pain, scared the living day lights out of me. Thankfully my doctor recognized that and decided to put me under general anesthesia. After surgery and Drew was healthy, my heart would not cooperate, my resting heart rate was 160. To have my heart racing so fast, was scary and painful, I felt like my chest was going to explode. Thankfully they gave me a drug called adenosine that chemically stops and restarts your heart. After being given that, I felt much better.

When all this happened I was in such a haze with my beautiful new baby that I really didn't have time to reflect on the events that surround Drew's birth. Now that 19 months have passed, I realize that I am very blessed to have a healthy and happy thriving toddler, but as the birth of my next child starts to get closer the fear of repeating the same circumstances haunt me. I don't want to feel that pain during surgery again, I understand there is some discomfort, but feeling someone cutting you, is not what I want. I'm fearful that I won't get the blissful experience I hope for. Going into the OR, being given my spinal and not feeling a thing. I fear for a repeat, I fear what that pain felt like, and I can't get it out of my head.

If you're a mama that had a pleasant c-section experience I would love to hear from you!  

7 comments:

Jen said...

I also had a c-section after hours and hours of labor, but the c-sec itself did go pretty well. One thing I would mention is to be really honest with the anesthesiologist. When I felt a little nauseous, I told him and he put something in the IV to help. I told him when I was cold and he gave me a warm blanket and when I told him I was starting to feel really claustrophobic he took the screen down (they were almost done anyway and I couldn't see anything, but it totally helped. Good luck!

Kristal said...

I don't have any c/s experience, but I wanted to tell you that I'll keep you in my prayers Abby! I hope you have a beautiful c/s experience for round two. :)

Abby said...

Thank you Kristal! That means the world to me!

Jen, thank you for sharing your experience. I truly hope and pray mine goes just as smoothly!

MrsEggs said...

Hey Abby -
I had a scheduled c/s. B was breech. I went in at 6 am, was hooked up to my IV for fluids, they gave a couple other meds and then I walked back to the OR. The nurse anesthetist was awesome. I felt the first poke but then nothing else other than the strange feeling of my lower body going numb. I agree with Jen in that you need to be completely honest with the anesthetist - let him/her know anything that is causing you discomfort.

Julie S. said...

My first c section was traumatic for me as they put me completely out. I missed everything. No first cry, nothing. I was nervous about a scheduled one this time but it was so so much easier. I felt absolutely nothing and I got to see my precious baby girl as soon as she was delivered.

I did the same thing Jen did, I was talking throughout making sure the nurses and doctors knew how I was doing. I got nauseous after the spinal but as soon as I said something, zofram went in my iv and I felt fine. Recovery was much easier this time around as well. Praying for you!

Mrs. W said...

Hey Abby- Just wanted to share that I actually had a really great experience with my c-section. I was pre-e and they were measuring R to be around 11 lbs- uh...okay! I was scared but honestly- everything went so smooth (despite throwing up on the delivery table due to rush of the epi) but honestly, I can laugh about it now.

I am praying for you and also just wanted to say congrats on your pregnancy! I look forward to your birth story and know that all will go well. You'll be in good hands! ~Rochelle

Mrs. Case said...

i had an easy, blissful, EXCELLENT c/s! it was seriously so easy and lovely to have a planned birthday, to know what the procedures would be, etc. removing the element of surprise helped alleviate the element of fear. even my recovery was super easy! i had a VERY minor issue with my epi being put in but nothing traumatizing by any means. i highly recommend a planned c/s and have nothing but confidence you will have a great experience, too!

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